Charles Fleming

Excerpt:
The goomba is a lovin' man. The one thing he understands, better than anything else in the world except for maybe food, is love. The goomba is practically made of love. His entire life is about love - family love, romantic love, brotherly love, motherly love. He loves his wife - and his goomar. He loves his children and his parents. He loves his car and his clothes. He loves to eat and drink and fool around. As a friend, as a father, as a husband, as a lover, the goomba is a big, bubbling, oozing, overflowing ... well, you get the idea. The goomba is just full of love.
The non-goombas out there may not understand this. They look at the average goomba, and what do they see? A big guy, a big appetite, a lot of noise, a certain level of violence, all of it flavored with garlic and tomato sauce on a bed of macaroni. They're missing the point. All that bigness - the big appetite, the big noise and yelling, the big food - that's all about love, too.
You Might Be A Goomba If
You've ever eaten a sandwich on the toilet.
The photo in your high school yearbook was a mugshot.
You know a guy who knows a guy.
You Can't Be A Goomba If
You pay taxes.
You shop at Old Navy.
You ever sat in the cheap seats.

Blurbs
"Of all the goombas I never dated, Steve Schirripa is the funniest." Joy Behar
"Steve Schirripa is a very funny guy who has never harmed any members of my family." Rita Rudner
"If I only had read this book when I was fourteen, my life would have been completely different" David Chase